The other day I attended my first NA meeting. To be honest I’m not sure why I even went. I thought that going to meetings like these are suppose to keep you from using drugs? Well, that’s not what happen with me. Going to that meeting caused me to have very strong cravings, and I wanted to get out of there fast and go home and call a friend. That is what I did when I got home, and so that day I relapsed.
I no for sure that I am NOT going to another NA meeting. That was not what I thought the point in those meetings.
Right now I just feel that there is no point in trying to quit. I always end up relapsing and start using again…I am so lost right now and hate myself, for picking up the phone and calling my friend
I really don’t know if I should be happy or sacred that I have been clean now for 10 days. The last time I made it this long I ended up relapsing…..I don’t want to do that so wish me luck. Next week im starting a group so maybe that will help. ..
I really can’t believe that March is half way over with. I’m just sitting here thinking about what has already gone on this year and I really haven’t accomplished anything that I wanted to do in January. I am just not as motivated as I used to be. I really wonder if it has a lot to do with the fact that I’m still really struggling with ways to cope with my BPD. I really am trying hard to find alternative ways than I currently use to cope, but they just don’t work like the others and help numb the pain. I just want to stay with the coping skills I have now, but I know there not healthy ones. I just get so tired of putting so much work into something I know that’s going to fail. I just want to give up….
Is there anyone else who has BPD and is also struggling with an addiction? I am really struggling right now with a drug addiction. Both BPD and an addiction with drugs don’t mix. I feel like I’m losing my mind and can’t deal with anything anymore. I really don’t know what to do… I use most of the time to numb all that comes with my BPD and there’s a lot. I really have tried to stop many times, but then something happens and I need to feel that numbness…
Cancer really sucks…
Just found out that Cancer once again has touched another one of my family members… A couple years ago I lost my aunt to cancer, now by uncle has another form of it. For the past 10 years he has faugh brain cancer, they didn’t think he would make it this long and now he has another form of it… I can’t take another loose in my family right now.
I wish that they could find a dann cure for all the cancers…
I haven’t posted yet this year, and my goal was to post more. I’m failing there. This year really hasn’t started good, but I hoping that it gets better.
Next week I’m supposed to be starting a new DBT group, I am ready for that. I think I need to get structure back into my life and not sleep all the time. My goal for this group is to actually go, participant, do the homework, and then complete it. I would really be proud of myself if I can do all those things, so wish me good luck…
I hope you all have a great day…
I am so glad that Christmas is finally over with, I do love the holidays but this year it just don’t feel the same. I’m just ready for the new year to begin. One positive thing is I did get to see my son. I really hate that kids grow so fast. My son is going to be turning 17 in March and it feels like he was just a baby. He is taller then me and now has his permit.
Anyways I hope that you all had a good Christmas…
Happy New Years